INTRODUCTION
The capacity to be aware of control, express one’s emotions, and handle interpersonal relationships judiciously and empathetically.” Emotional Intelligence is the key to both personal and professional success”.
Emotional Intelligence or EI is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome challenges and defuse conflict.
MY STORY
Dealing with challenging people, especially control/power hungry, and only seeing and hearing one way, etc. I’m one that grew up around several people who loved having power and control, so naturally, I learned to say, “That’s okay” even when I felt different about something. When I spoke up it was like no one heard me, my opinion did not seem to matter. I received comments like, “who would want to do that or ‘that’s a silly idea’ None of us should feel like we live in a secondary situation.
We are unique individuals. That’s what makes different opinions and ideas move us forward or as we say”make the world go around”.
The more personal issues I had, trying to please others, accommodating others, and just squeezing my stuff became a very busy and emotional way of living. I noticed I was learning a lot because I was a hard worker and quick learner but my joy was not there and my stress was high. I was moving away from myself, feeling defeated, sad, and even angry. We are not here just to please and accommodate.
A friend of mine introduced me to new ways of gaining and embracing my true self, doing things that brought me back to myself. I started learning about EI (Emotional Intelligence) and Self Care. l learned to listen to the emotions inside that said, ‘Empathy’, you need empathy, folks and situations that give, encourage and care for others, not people or situations that just take and put you down, or even say “that’s not good enough”, giving you the feeling of ” do more and more”. My “inside tank” literally was way below being filled (Empty). I was allowing others to take from me, my ideas, dreams, and hope and put my very person down, literally draining my energy. I would just feel l emotional, you know that crying inside that screams, “listen to me” I have ideas too, I’m a real person too.
I began listening to that inner voice and drawing boundaries and even stepping away from those people and situations that made me feel uncomfortable and basically bad about the person I was. I started to discover more of what my boundaries were saying and realized there is such a thing as “Toxic people and situations”. So learning to recognize these situations and said, No thank you when others were used to me being just ” ok with it”. Now, this was change and renewal for me and everyone else.
Now that being said, I was now facing a Battle Ground with some familiar faces. They wanted me to stay like I was. Big problem! They did not like being alone yet they seemed to like the manipulation of others. So I had to set my boundaries, my “No’s” had to mean just that. I had to create space for myself, my friends, and my family to learn.
This is where EI and self-compassion meet. When I began to say “No” this is not working for me, dismissing myself and trusting that small voice in myself. I began to feel peace and inner quiet.
Some of the most important ideas was learning self-care. Here are some of the things I did.
- Having a plan for myself: swimming, pilates, ballet, music, going to a movie, and a manicure. These began to fill my “Tank” because I was using self-compassion.
- Just learning to say “No” and using some of those ideas in number 1, gave me personal strength, rest from the negative.
